A Mix of Characters #2: Knives, Fangs, and Phasers
Flatlander (Danielle Ducrest)

Disclaimers: The Simpsons belong to Fox. Buffy, the Vampire and Angel:
The Series belong to Fox, Tombstone Pictures, and Joss Whedon.
Angel: Redemption belongs to all of those people and Pocket
Pulse. Star Trek: Movie Memories belongs to Paramount, Gene
Roddenberry, and whoever published the book. No copyright infringement
was intended. This story is a work of fiction, and was written solely
for entertainment purposes, and no money was exchanged. 

June DeVall Pease, Jessica, Frank Ducrest, Janell Ducrest, and myself
belong to ourselves. David belongs to himself, too, but does my every
bidding, including giving up the Internet for me whenever I want it (I
sigh contently at the dream, then sigh heavily when I realize it's not

If you're actually reading this, you must be crazy. Didn't the last
story convince you not to read this one? Anyway, all I want is
compliments. Flames will be printed out and given to friends of mine's
German Shepherd. 

Danielle rang the doorbell and stood on the thin concrete step, peering
into the thin window set in the door. She always did this when she and
her family went to her grandmother's. 

Her Grandmother, June DeVall Pease, a. k. a. Maw Maw, answered the
door. In her hands was a Milton. The Persian cat was trying desperately
to get out of Maw Maw's grasp. Finally, Maw Maw set him on the ground.
She smiled at the Ducrests. "Why, hello!" 

The Ducrests walked into the house. Danielle said hi to her
grandmother, and on her way to the table/tv room, she stopped in the
living room to drop her book on one of the couches, then joined
everyone near the table. Maw Maw's night nurse, Jessica, was fixing
super in the kitchen. Janell, Danielle's mother and Maw Maw's daughter,
went to help her. 

An hour later, they sat at the table covered with empty plates and
glasses, talking. Danielle was daydreaming about the Angel book she was
reading. It was on the couch in the other room. It was called Angel:
Redemption, and was about an actress which plays a vampire on tv and
was getting attacked by obsessed fans that though she really was a
vampire. David was daydreaming about the Simpsons episode he'd watched
before they'd gone to the Maw Maw's. Frank was day dreaming about
Star Trek: Movie Memories by William Shatner, and mom was
dreaming about yet another murder mystery. 

Then all four of them thought simultaneously, Man, I wish this was

Maw Maw rubbed her eyes and said, "I think I'd better get to bed." 

Everyone at the table stood up. "We'd better get going anyway," Frank

"Bye, Maw Maw," Danielle told her grandmother, kissing her on the

Maw Maw and Jessica went to Maw Maw's room, and the Ducrests started
heading out the door. But when they reached the foyer, noise coming
from the TV made them look back. 

The TV, which had been switched off for most of the evening, had turned
back on again. It started on the preview channel, then switched,
flipping from channel-to-channel every microsecond. Finally, it stopped
on channel seventeen, klaf. 

The room filled with a very blinding light. 

The four looked away, and thought, Oh, no, not again… 

When they looked back at the tv, the light was gone. The tv screen
showed the Simpson's house, all in two dimensional color. Homer J.
Simpson stepped out of the house, burping loudly. He started walking
forward to the mailbox. He almost made it to the metal box when his
head smacked against the television set's glass. "Ow!" Homer cried out,
backing away. He rubbed his bruised spot on his bald yellow head. He
approached the glass again, reached out his hand, and knocked. A glass
sound came out of the TV's speakers. "Hmmm…." Homer said. Then he took
a step forward. 

His leg emerged in Maw Maw's TV room. The rest of Homer followed. He
looked as computer generated as he did the last time he wandered around
the third dimension. He saw the Ducrests and waved. "Hello, weird 3-D
people," he said to them. His gaze landed on the counter behind the
table, where Maw Maw had placed some chocolates. "Ohhh. Chocolate."
Homer attacked the box of candy and ate greedily. 

The scene on the TV shifted again to reveal Angel and Buffy fighting
off several vampires on the docks in the episode "Surprise." 

Angel was fighting with one vampire when the vamp with the glasses
dropped the box containing the Judge's arm. Angel punched the vampire
and ran after the legitimate one. He jumped on him, causing the vamp to

…and land face down on the hard, waxed marble floor in front of the
television. The box slid across the floor, stopping only when it hit
the chest of drawers Milton had been hiding under. Milton shrieked and
ran for safety behind the couch. 

The other vampire ran through the screen and picked up the box. 

Danielle lifted the closest table chair to her. "Come on!" she told the
other members of her family. David, Frank, and Janell grabbed legs and
pulled. They succeeded in breaking the legs off the chair. Danielle
broke the last one off and dropped the legless chair. Homer backed
around the other side of the table, cowering, his mouth covered with
chocolatety goodness 

"Here!" Danielle told Angel, tossing him her stake. He caught it and
drove it into glasses boy's back and quickly got up before the vampire
turned to dust. 

The vampire minion with the box tried to run past the Ducrests to get
to the front door. Janell stuck her leg out, tripping the vamp. He fell
face down on the floor, and box slid across it, hitting the umbrella

Angel ran past the Ducrests and waited. The other vampire got up and
turned around. Angel kicked him, knocking him back against the coat
closet's door. Before the minion could recover, Angel buried his stake
in his heart, and the minion turned to dust. 

Angel turned to face the Ducrests. He glanced around his surroundings,
and was about to ask a question when the scene on the television set
changed yet again. 

This time, the background was white. A man with a hood obscuring his
face from view stood there. He pulled out a knife and stepped through
the screen. 

"Weren't you here last time?" Danielle asked. 

The knife guy shrugged. "The Powers That Be thought it would be an
interesting twist if I came back, so I'm hear." He opened the knife.
"And I'm out for more blood." 

Angel stood in front of the Ducrests in a battle stance, waiting. 

The scene on the TV changed again. This time, it showed Kirk and the
rest of the Enterprise's crew on the bridge of the Starfleet vessel. It
was a scene from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. They had just
encountered the U. S. S. Reliant and discovered that it was
raising its shields. 

Kirk ordered Sulu to raise the shields. 

Sulu responded, watching the view screen, "Too late." 

Phasers rocked the Enterprise. Sparks erupted from consoles, and
crewmen flew out of their chairs. Kirk did, too, and landed…

…right in the middle of Maw Maw's TV room. He did not hit the marble
floor, however, because the knife guy softened his impact. The knife
guy lost his knife when he fell, but he still tried to pry the Admiral
off of him. Kirk defended himself and succeeded in locking the knife
guy's arms behind his back. He pulled the knife guy to his feet and
looked around. 

Angel turned to the Ducrests. The box containing the Judge's arm was
under his arm. "Have any idea how we got here?" 

The Ducrests gestured to the television set. 

"How do we get back?" 

"The last time this happened, the scenes changed to show all of their
worlds again, so I guess it'll happen this time, too," David answered. 

The scene on the TV did change again, showing the Simpson's house
first. Homer ran toward the screen and stepped onto his lawn. 

The scene changed again, showing the docks. Buffy was floating in the
water. "Buffy!" Angel cried out. He ran toward the screen. When he was
back on the docks, he jumped off the side into the water. 

The scene changed yet again, this time showing the blank white screen.
The knife guy elbowed Kirk, who released him, and walked through the
screen. "'Til next time, Ducrests," he called behind him. 

When he was through, the scene changed to show the Enterprise crew
trying to get back into their seats. "Well, I guess that's my cue,"
Kirk said. He straightened his uniform shirt. "Bye," he called, waving,
then stepped through the glass. He landed in front of his chair, and
sat down in it. 

The TV flipped through the channels again and turned off. 

There was silence for a long time. Jessica appeared from the hall.
"Could you turn the TV down a little?" She asked. "I could hear it all
the way down the hall." 

The Ducrests exchanged glances. "We'd better leave," Frank said.
"Before something else happens." 

The others agreed, said goodbye to Jessica, and left. 

It took them two days of coaxing to get Milton to leave his safe haven
behind the couch.