It's Gotta Be The Bear
Andrew C

This is my latest contribution. A totally insane, idiotic piece, to be
filed under Space:1999. A Crossover. I just dreamed it up suddenly,
and it had to be written! Hope you like it! Rated G. The title (a very
bad one, don't you think?) is "It's Gotta Be The Beer."

As a synopsis..."Alpha get a most unusual visitor."

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"What is it, Victor?" John Koenig asked his old friend and mentor, as
the object drew closer and closer to Alpha.

"No idea yet, John," replied the scientist, nose buried in a computer
screen. "It's headed this way, and damn fast, too."

"John?" asked Helena, drawing close.

"Prepare medical, Helena," siad Koenig, and turned back to the screen.

Out on the Lunar surface, something was approaching the base.
Something ominous. What it was was a mystery at the moment, for it was
entirely underground, betraying its presence solely by a huge
undulating bulge in the regolith that seemed to move along, leaving
turned and broken soil in its wake. The point of motion kept up its
approach, seemingly undeterred by rocks, boulders, or even Alpha's
Bergman Force Field.

"My God!" said Tony Verdeschi, watching, as the whatever-it-was
reached the force field perimeter. It struck the edge of the field,
seemed to shudder a moment, then shove its way through, eliciting a
huge spark and puff of smoke from the field, but no more. "Nothing's
stopping it."

"Security reports all personnel ready, Commander," said Maya. Koenig
just nodded, watching transfixed as the object continued its approach
to Alpha, now passing Launch Pad 3. It drew closer, and closer,
seemingly uninterested in slowing down as it approached the very walls
of Alpha. There was a shaking, and the sound of an alarm.

"Outer wall breach, Commander," said Sandra. "Object is now inside
Alpha!"

"Location?"

"Headed towards Command Center," replied the pretty controller.

"John!" cried Victor, looking up from a monitor. "It's alive!"

"What?" cried Koenig, in disbelief, as he opened a small locker, and
began handing weapons to everyone here. "Alive?"

"Yes. Definate life signs." Even as he spoke, they could feel the
floor tremble, and hear the sounds of the approaching...whatever it
was. Moving out into the corridor, they saw the full horror of it all.
The floor was cracking and buckling upwards, as whatever creature had
invaded Alpha moved closer. They all took aim as it drew nearer.
Nearer. Nearer. Then...

It stopped. For a moment, it ceased to move, then chunks of the floor
flew up into the air, followed by more bits of wreckage. Wires, pieces
of conduit, plastic and ceramic. All flying up out of the widening
hole as if propelled by great force.

"Hold your fire, Everyone," ordered Koenig. "Don't shoot unless it..."

He never finished. The hole was now wide enough for a man, but what
emerged was certainly no man. Something sailed up out of the pit, and
thudded to rest at Victor's feet. He bent down to look at it.

"A bottle of...suntan lotion?" he said, his face crinkled in
bafflement. Even as he spoke, something else came sailing out of the
newly formed opening. it too thudded at their feet. It was a book:
Hare Raising Tails.

"What in heaven's..." began Maya, when she was forced to leap back to
avoide being struck by a flying... mint julep. In an eyeblink, it was
Tony's turn, as an umbrella flew upwards, to snap open and settle to
the floor. "If I didn't know better," said Maya, "I'd say Tony's..."

"It's gotta be the beer," said Sahn, nodding, and ignoring a glare
from the Brewmeister.

She broke off, as the life-form at last emerged from the wrecked
floor. A light-gray color, it seemed covered in a light fur, and
sported huge eyes. It leapt up, landing on bizarrely elongated furry
feet, and proclaimed in a loud voice...

"Miami Beach at last!" So said, it began running down the corridor,
repeating its odd comment of a moment before. "Miami Beach! Sun! Surf!
Goils! Carrots! Mia...Mi.....uhhhhhh." It stopped, at the junction of
two corridors, and looked right, then left, then slowly turned around,
fixing its gaze on the silent Moonbase personnel. It took a few
tentative steps their way, and stopped. Wearing only a tastelessly
polka-dotted pair of Bermuda shorts, it stared at them, it's whiskered
nose twitching back and forth, over a pair of enormous buck teeth.
Behind the face, two very long ears were slowly drooping, lying flat
against it's skull. Behind, there wafted forth a white bushy tail.

"Uh....welcome to Moonbase Alpha," said Koenig, slowly lowering his
weapon, and then introducing himself. 

"It...it's a...rabbit?" breathed Sahn, shocked.

In response, the visitor reached into his drawers, pulled out a large
carrot, adopted a cocky posture, and began munching on it loudly.

"Boy oh boy!" it said, in a decidedly Brooklyn accent. "I just
knew I shoulda taken that left toin at Albeqoique!" Munch, munch.
"Errr, what's up, Doc?" 

"It's gotta be the beer," said Sahn again.